Pretty Baby
by frenchiecangal
Summary: Song Fic- Nuriko reflects on Hotohori while leaving for Hokkan. Bit angsty, but...


Disclaimer: I do not own FY, or do I own Vanessa Carlton's 'Pretty Baby'. I'm just borrowing them for a bit.   
  
Ok... this is a song fic about Nuriko and his point of view towards Ho-ri. It's during the boat ride out to Hokkan, and it takes place as they leave. Lotsa flashbacks too. Any comments are well appreciated and welcomed! 

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"Well, here we go!" I heard Miaka cry out. I stared at Konan, which slowly grew smaller as the ship headed north towards Hokkan, where we, the Suzaku seishi, hoped to retrieve the Shinzaho so we could summon Suzaku after our failed attempt. Only, it wasn't all of us. We were missing someone.   
  
Of course, it wasn't intentional. Hotohori _was_ the emperor of Konan. If he left, who would look after the people? And Kutou wasn't exacaly our best friend, either. He was needed. I couldn't dwell on missing him, however. I needed to think about getting the Shinzaho. 

You light me up and then I fall for you.   
You lay me down and then I crawl for you.   
Stumbling on reasons that are far and few   
I'd let it all come down   
and then some for you.

  
  
I remember the first time I saw him. As he was introduced to us, the ladies of the harlem, I had no worries about him finding out I was a woman. Everyone else was fooled. He wasn't that happy, but being the emperor is stressful. But his eyes, his eyes were amazing. The brown eyes he had told of so much pain, sorrow, and they just seemed to wish that everything would go away. And then, I saw his smile. It wasn't the biggest smile he could muster, but it took my breath away, as well as the other woman who wished they could marry him.   
  
Each of us, the ladies and I, wished they could be the one to marry him. It was almost a fight, really, where we all fought to be the one he noticed, althought our travels amoung the palace were always limited. We- or rather, I should say I- never cared for the rules. When I had first met you- and Miaka as well- I was breaking the rules and watching you. I didn't care if I got into trouble. Just you in front of me was enough. 

Pretty baby,   
Don't you leave me.   
I have been saving smiles for you.   
Pretty Baby,   
why can't you see   
you're the one that I belong to

  
  
I remember the first time I had left the palace since I went into the harem. You were with me. But, after Miaka came back after three months, you were stuck at the palace. As Miaka prepared to leave the palace to search for Tamahome, you mentioned to me you couldn't go, due to complications with Kutou. I nodded, acting normal, but when I walked away, my heart fell through the floor. I knew it, even before you told me you couldn't go, but hearing the words. Heartache is always much deeper when you hear it, even if you know it.   
  
Even after Tamahome surrendered himself to Kutou, you said you couldn't come. I had to keep a straight face as I bowed to you, my heart breaking inside. I considered it a miracle that you came when you did, as we were being attacked by those bandits. But when you kissed Miaka... my emotions, unfortunalty, were clearly shown on my face. You didn't see the heartbreak on my face, but that kiss was enough for me to go stir crazy. You're mine... aren't you? 

I'll be the embrace that keeps you warm.   
And your the sun that breaks the storm.   
I'll be alright,   
and I'll sleep sound   
As long as you keep coming around.   
Mmm pretty baby

  
  
That night, after we learned that Tasuki was 'dead', we stayed at the fortress for a while longer, and slept for a few hours before going to see the old bandit's grave. The three of us slept in the same room, Miaka on the only bed, the two of us on the cold floor. I couldn't sleep, so I laid there and watched you as your chest rose and fell from your breath as you slept. It was comforting, seeing you like that. I actually drifted to sleep watching you. You weren't boring, just... soothing. It's hard to explain, but it was comforting, knowing you would protect me if I needed it. I don't think it was because we're comrades, but because of the friendship we hold for each other. The respect we have for one another. 

And I know things can't last forever,   
But there are lessons that we'll never learn.   
Oh just the sense of you   
it makes me hurt.   
So how's it you that makes me better?

  
  
That night, when you almost killed Miaka... I was- in a way- jealous. Would you do the same for me? Would you refuse to kill me? Woudl you treat me the same as you had treated her? It's almost horrible to say I was jealous, but the way you spoke to her... it was a bit painful. Why is it Miaka who is the recipiant of your love? Why her? She's already taken! But, you already got over her love, at least that's what I heard.   
  
Yet, every little smile you show upon your face... and your eyes as they light up for one small second. The fluid movement you use as you move, as well as each word you use. It's almost painful, just seeing you. I guess it's because I know you'll never be mine. but, I guess knowing you has made me a better person. I don't think I'd be this protective of anyone if you weren't there for me to obsess over. That's a good thing- in a way. I guess you can call it loyalty. I call it love. 

Pretty baby,   
Don't you leave me.   
I have been saving smiles for you.   
Pretty Baby,   
Why can't you see   
you're the one that I belong to?   
I'll be the embrace that keeps you warm.   
And your the sun that breaks the storm.   
I'll be alright,   
and I'll sleep sound   
As long as you keep coming around.   
Mmm pretty baby

  
  
Why didn't you come with us? Konan would be fine! Your ministers would've taken care of everything! You don't need to worry about anything! Our guess is that Nakago is going to Hokkan as well, and he's Kutou's head shogun. You would've been fine! Kutou would not have attacked us while the head of the army is north. It's ridiculous! But, you aren't going. I guess I have to accept it. I told myself awhile ago, but I guess I didn't listen to my conscious.   
  
I wondered what would've happened if you came to Hokkan with us. I doubt anything would've happened between us. But I can dream. I think you just being there with me would make it that much better. It's just nice being near someone you crae you, and it helps make a bad day that much bearable. I guess I have to remember that once we return to Konan, we'll be together again. All the more reason for us to hurry and get the shinzaho. 

Can you hold me   
and never let go?   
When you touch   
and it's me that you want.   
Pretty baby,   
All the things you hold in my heart   
would your break it apart   
Again....

  
  
It's just horrible- at least to me- that _you_ are the emperor, and you _have_ to marry a woman. I know you have to produce an heir so the kingdom has a future ruler, but still! It's so painful, seeing Miaka happy from being in love with Tamahome. That's all I want: someone to be with, someone to hold me. Deep down in your heart... do you want me? Or am I just Nuriko, a friend? A fellow seishi? Do you mean to cause all this anguish to me, or is it unintentional? And if something _did_ happen between the two of us- a drunken encounter, or if we were to be perfectly sober- would you break my heart later? 

Pretty baby,   
Don't you leave me.   
I have been saving smiles for you.   
Pretty Baby,   
why can't you see   
you're the one that I belong to.   
I'll be the embrace that keeps you warm,   
And your the sun that breaks the storm.   
I'll be alright   
and I'll sleep sound   
As long as you keep coming around.   
Mmm pretty baby

  
  
I guess it's safe to say that I need to deal with my feelings about you. I'd rather have you and I together, but I can live with not having your love. An unrequited love, I guess you could say. Just as we've been doing- or rather I've been doing. I know you know I love you, but nothing's happened, nor will it. The most that's happened was me becoming a stronger- and quite possibly a better person- from loving you. But isn't that what love's all about?   
  
So, goodbye, Hotohori. I wish you all the luck while we are away. I wish you could be here with us, but things cannot be changed. You are emperor, and I'm just me, free to travel wherever I please, just as I am doing now. I don't know how you feel about me- but maybe someday, I will learn. And if you do harbor the same feelings I hold for you, I wish with all my might to Suzaku that we can act upon our feelings, and maybe be together someday, It's all I wish for. 

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Well, got that done. Hope ya liked it, and please review!   
  
~Frenchie


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